Two Sides of the Same Coin
by Cheyennes
Summary: Are Remi and Jane really that different? Can one exist without the other?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This story picks up right after the ending of Season 4 Episode 8. I'm sure the show won't turn out anything like this but my imagination created this tale overnight.

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Their fight was fast and furious until it wasn't. Kurt watched as Remi's reactions became less fluid. Watched as her strikes began to slow. Instead of taking advantage, he slowed down as well. He didn't want to hurt her. After all, she was the basis of Jane, and he still saw glimmers of Jane in Remi's actions. The biggest being that Remi had had multiple occasions to kill him and she hadn't been able to do it.

He continued to watch as her movements began to have quick pauses between them. She was starting to lose both her concentration and her coordination. He noticed she would occasionally close her eyes for a split second and shake her head. When blood began to drip from her nose he took several steps away from her.

"Enough, Remi. Enough."

She looked directly at him, her eyes glazed with pain, and sat down abruptly. She pulled her gun from her waistband and pointed it at him. He mirrored her actions minus the gun. If someone had told him several months back that he and his wife would be sitting five feet apart from one another, while she held a gun on him, he wouldn't have believed it. Of course Remi both was and wasn't his wife. But without her there was no Jane. If she let herself die, so did Jane.

"You need help, Remi. Don't shake your head at me. You know you do. You also know that I'll do everything I can to keep you alive. Only a few people know that you aren't Jane anymore, which means you can continue to pretend to be her, and we can use the resources of the FBI to help you."

Remi didn't think she had it in her to continue pretending to be Jane. It seemed like time was speeding up and pushing her to the end of the race. She didn't want to die until she'd finished the mission Sandstorm had sent her on. Not just for herself but for the brother who had already become a sacrifice to the end goal. Trying to pretend to be Jane would just take up more of her precious time.

She didn't realize Kurt had crouched directly in front of her until his hand gently closed around her chin and tilted her face up. He'd found some tissues somewhere and was gently dabbing at the blood that was continuing to drip from her nose. When the blood finally began to clot off, he put the tissues aside and brushed her hair back from her forehead.

"Let me help you. Let us help you. Patterson found a procedure that can buy you more time. I wouldn't lie to you about something this important. It's experimental, but Roman thought it was worth trying, or he wouldn't have included it in the cache of data Patterson and Rich found."

Roman had loved her. Even when he was at odds with Jane, he'd still been trying to come up with a way to save her. Just thinking about him being gone hurt. She'd missed so much time with him because of this plan. Now all she had left was the hallucination of him and he wasn't exactly the same as she remembered. She didn't know if that was because he had changed, while she'd had no memory of him, or if it was because he was just a portion of her own personality wearing Roman's face.

She'd always been the harder of the two of them. The one more focused on survival in order to achieve the end goal. The one who'd made the hard choices. Now she found herself between a rock and a hard place again. She could choose to move forward with the plan, until she collapsed and died, but it was becoming increasingly clear that death wouldn't take long to find her. Or she could take the risk and hope that the team could help her. Well, not really help her, but help Jane.

Ultimately there was only one choice for her to make as she felt the days without sleep, and the weariness from constant pain, catching up to her. She leaned forward into Kurt and his hand removed the gun from her grasp before pulling her head against his shoulder. He rocked her gently for a few minutes and she allowed her body to relax. It was soothing to have someone watch out for her solely because they cared. Even when she'd been a kid Shepherd had never done so. She and Roman had always been a means to an end for her. Not that she hadn't cared in her own way, but there was always an ulterior motive to every action she took.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks for all the lovely reviews. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

Close to an hour passed before Kurt pulled back and scanned Remi's face. She looked exhausted and this cold warehouse was not the best place for her. He may not be able to protect Jane from the consequences of the ZIP poisoning but he could certainly make sure her body received the care it needed.

"Let's take a ride back to our place and you can get some sleep. We'll go to the lab in the morning and see what Patterson can do."

It wasn't really "their" place and she knew it. But it was the closest thing she'd had to a home since her parents had died. She didn't fight him as he picked her up and carried her out to his car. When they left the warehouse, she looked over his shoulder, and a quick glance confirmed he really had come alone. He settled her in the passenger side seat taking care that she was buckled in. She allowed herself to close her eyes and she thought she felt his lips brush against her forehead. Sleep beckoned and she didn't have the energy to resist.

Kurt got himself settled in the driver's seat and looked over at her. Either she was feigning sleep or she really was sleeping. He hoped it was the later. It was clear to him that she needed rest and care. He was fairly certain she hadn't been getting much of either in the last few months. Who knew what she had been doing when he was sleeping? Or during the times she hadn't been with him? Clearly he didn't have a clue but he was sure she hadn't been sleeping. She would have been feeling that there were too many things for her to do and too little time to get them done.

He started the car and wrapped his fingers tightly around the steering wheel in frustration as he gave thought to their current situation. It was clear her condition was deteriorating rapidly and he was certain she wasn't faking it. Remi wasn't one to give up which meant their fight had come to an end only because she couldn't get her body to follow her lead. The blood that had been dripping from her nose was also a concern as he knew none of his strikes had touched her face. The blood had been flowing for a whole different reason and he was certain it was an indicator of something bad.

He put the car in drive and carefully made his way back to their apartment. Once there he turned off the engine, and waited for Remi to stir, but she continued sleeping peacefully. He decided there was no harm in letting her stay that way. Walking around to her side of the car, he gathered her into his arms before making his way over to the elevator that would take them to their floor. He felt her cuddle in closer. Something Jane would often do but not something that Remi would voluntarily do. Another sign that they were two sides of the same coin.

He made it to their apartment and managed to get the door open without disturbing her. The apartment was still a mess but she was back home with him so the rest seemed unimportant. He sat her gently on their bed and pulled back to make sure her nose hadn't started bleeding again. Much to his relief it had not. He carefully removed her jacket before laying her on her back to remove her shoes. She stirred when he removed her pants.

"You're safe. Go back to sleep," he murmured.

She never fully woke and he waited a minute or two before pulling the covers up to her chin. It was only a brief moment later when she curled onto her side facing him and whispered his name. Remi could pretend all she'd like that she hated him but she was lying to herself.

Grabbing a chair, he pulled it close to where she lay on the bed and closed his eyes to rest as well. He listened to the sound of her breathing in her sleep. Something he had done often but this time there was a notable change. It was subtle but her breathing was irregular. Not terribly so but just another sign that the ZIP poisoning was causing dangerous side effects. He drifted off to sleep worrying about the next steps.

Their bedroom was lit with sunlight when he opened his eyes. Remi was still curled on her side and soundly asleep. He checked his cell phone and Patterson had sent a message that she would be ready when they were. He leaned towards her, "Jane. Wake up."

Her face wrinkled and she cuddled deeper into the covers. It was kind of cute. Jane usually went from sleep to awake in a split second so he'd never had the chance to see her fight the transition.

"Jane," he said more insistently.

"I told you, I'm not Jane," she mumbled.

"Today you are. Remember what we talked about earlier?"

Her eyes opened as she remembered the events of the day before. Or what she could remember of the day before. It was a bit disturbing to realize that there were a couple of blank spots in her memory of the day. However, based on what she could remember, she didn't believe anything concerning had happened during her missing time. She did remember that today was the day they would try the experimental procedure.

"They're trying to kill you, you know?", Roman informed her from just beyond Kurt's shoulder.

She shook her head. Kurt wouldn't try to kill her. If he killed her, he killed Jane, whom he was desperate to get back.

"You shouldn't trust him. He's trying to push you off mission," Roman said.

She knew that at least was true. Kurt didn't want her to leave him behind to pursue her larger mission. He knew whatever she'd planned would be risky. A dead Remi equaled a dead Jane and in his mind that couldn't be allowed to happen.

She pulled her focus away from Roman and back to Kurt who was encouraging her to get up, showered, and dressed. She did get out of bed without a word. After picking up an outfit from the clothing that had been tossed on the floor, she retreated to the bathroom.

Kurt watched her go. He knew she'd been listening to something, as well as looking at something, over his shoulder. For a split second he had feared an ambush but her gaze hadn't focused on any one spot. He was certain she was still hallucinating. Who knew what the hallucination of Roman had been saying to her? It wouldn't have been anything good. It would have been things to encourage her to draw away from him. It certainly wasn't going to be anything that would help him keep Remi and Jane safe. He imagined Roman would say things similar to what Sheppard would say to her. Things to focus her back on mission regardless of the cost to her.

It wasn't long before Jane stepped back out into their bedroom. He vacated the chair grabbing his own clothing before turning back to look at her.

"I won't be long. Don't go far."

He had to hope she wouldn't make a run for it. He couldn't watch her every second of the day. Even knowing he had to give her a chance to make her decision, it was probably the fastest he had ever gotten ready for work. When he opened the door he was surprised to see she had only gone as far as the chair by the bed. He couldn't prevent himself from worrying when he saw she again had tissues pressed to her nose.

"Jane?"

"I'm fine."

He crouched down next to her, "Let me see."

"No, I said I was fine. Let's get this over with," she stated before she stood and walked away to the living room.

He would have liked to feed her breakfast but he imagined her stomach should be empty for the procedure. Grabbing his keys, badge, and gun, he found her looking in the mirror on the living room wall confirming that her nose had stopped bleeding. Based on her attitude, the sleep had done her good, as she was back to strong Remi. He missed the Remi of last night who had allowed him to care for her. It was almost like having Jane back. If he tried to pull her close now he would be in for a fight.

"Remember that you're Jane. You're not pretending with me anymore and the changes, while subtle, are definitely noticeable."

She looked at him in disgust. She had managed to play Jane so well in the last months, that even her husband couldn't tell the difference, and now he was telling her how to play the role?"

"I've got this, Kurt. Stop telling me what to do," she snapped.

Her head hurt and the buzzing was like a type of torture. Sometimes it was loud enough to drown out the sounds around her but other times it was like background white noise that she couldn't turn off. She couldn't stop herself from giving her head a little shake. Since Jane had ZIP poisoning too at least she didn't need to hide those symptoms.

Kurt watched as she rubbed her temple. They were almost out of the apartment when she turned suddenly to look behind them. She almost said something but clamped her lips shut instead. Apparently the hallucination of Roman was back. Kurt hoped the procedure would stop that symptom. He could only imagine that seeing Roman, when she knew he was dead, was confusing and upsetting.


	3. Chapter 3

The ride to the office was a silent one. Remi sat still except for the occasional moment to close her eyes or to raise a hand to rub at her temple. Even though this was Remi, he still wanted to take away her obvious pain. Afterward he had accomplished that miracle, he wanted to find and kill Shepherd. She must have known this was a risk and she hadn't warned Remi. She'd wanted to ensure that she would go forward with the plan. Yes, Remi and Roman could say the plan was Remi's all they wanted. But he knew that Shepherd was at the root of it. She might have let them think they had created it but in reality she had moved them around like pieces on a chess board. He pulled into his spot in the parking garage and turned off the car before looking over at her,

"Ready?"

"I guess."

"We'll take this one step at a time. I'll be there and the team will be there. Remember that they love Jane. They'll take good care of you."

She was sick of hearing about Jane. She was such a nice person, so compassionate, so willing to help others. Blah, blah, blah. Well she didn't succeed with the plan, did she? Instead she'd spent so much time running around the globe trying to protect people, even her own husband, that she had wasted the time they had. Remi was disgusted with the person Jane had turned out to be. What made it worse was that Jane could apparently see glimpses of Remi's life but Remi couldn't see a single memory of Jane's life. Not even the big moments like climbing out of the duffle bag, getting married, or being hunted by assassins.

Her first month as Jane had been a nightmare as she'd tried to act like a person she knew nothing about. She'd resorted to reading old case files and listening to stories so she would have some sort of a background of what type of person Jane had turned out to be. In the back of her mind, she often wondered if Jane's ability to access her memories meant that Jane was stronger than she was. It made her angry to even think about it.

Kurt watched Remi's face as she struggled with something. He wished he knew what she was thinking but he knew better than to ask. He'd get some sort of cutting comment or evasion. This wasn't Jane no matter how she looked.

They both got out of the car and onto the elevator. He watched as Remi subtly changed her posture to begin looking more "Jane-like". When she stepped off the elevator she smiled at the analyst that was getting on and asked about her daughter. It was moments like these when it was impossible to think she was anyone other than Jane.

They walked into Patterson's workspace and he closed the door behind them. Patterson looked over and focused her attention on them.

"Jane, did Weller tell you what we want to try?"

"I don't need to know the details. What I need to know is will this buy me more time with fewer symptoms?"

Patterson's fingers flew across the board as she loaded the research onto the screen.

"It appears so. The goal is to reactivate some of the biochemicals in your brain that have been deactivated by the ZIP. In theory it should reduce your symptoms and slow the progression once more. However, this isn't a cure. We're working on one but we need more time."

"I don't have anymore time. I'm going to die if you don't try it, right?"

Her face clearly indicated that Remi was correct.

"Let's get it done."

The next couple of hours flew by as preparations were made and tests were done. She met new employees in medical specialties that she didn't even know existed within the FBI. Throughout it all, Kurt sat in a chair next to her bed. He listened and he asked questions. As for her part, she didn't need to know anything beyond the fact that this either worked or she was dead. Joining Roman was one good thing about death but she had plenty of reasons to stay in the here and now. Right before they wheeled her into the procedure room, Kurt leaned down and kissed her forehead firmly.

"I'll be waiting for you when you wake up," he told her.

Just how stupid was it that she felt warmth in her chest at the thought and her eyes started tearing up? Really?! This was the guy that had derailed her carefully laid plans. If nothing else, her anger at herself caused her to lose track of time. She didn't even realize when she was being sedated for the procedure to begin. Never had a second to worry or begin second guessing herself.

Hours later Kurt sat quietly by her bed holding her hand. She'd made it through the procedure but until she woke they wouldn't know if it had been successful. He was told it would be hours before that happened and he was encouraged to go home and sleep for a few hours. They were crazy if they thought he would follow that advice. He wanted to be at her bedside when Jane woke up. Even it if was Remi who woke, he wanted to be there as he had promised.

Right now she looked peaceful. He'd expected more noticeable signs of the procedure than the tiny bandage on the back of her head. According to Patterson, a very tiny portion of her skull had been removed in order to inject the experimental drug and then it had been replaced. No further care of the area was needed though she was supposed to limit contact sports with a potential of head trauma for the next few weeks.

Another six hours passed with no movement. The technicians were starting to look worried and Patterson's expression was starting to show the same.

"How worried should I be, Patterson?"

"Concerned but not necessarily worried. . . yet. We just thought she'd be awake by now. However, the reality is we don't really know how far Jane's poisoning had progressed. It might just take her a little longer than the first test subject."

No sooner had Patterson said those words than Kurt felt the fingers he was holding twitch and curl around his. It was the first movement she'd made. Patterson ended up pulling a chair to the bedside to join him in his vigil. Another hour passed and they watched as she stretched a little and turned her head on the pillow toward them before settling back down. It was another fifteen long minutes before her lashes fluttered and her eyes opened. She looked at them in confusion and then looked around the lab.

"What happened?" she asked.

The way she was holding herself, the way she looked at him, the tone in her voice, it was Jane. He couldn't prevent tears from filling his eyes or the smile that stretched across his face. His wife was back. Whatever Jane saw made her struggle to sit upright which is when Patterson intervened.

"No, Jane, you need to stay down for another two hours."

Jane settled back against the mattress focusing her attention on Kurt but clearly looking confused.

"What do you remember, Jane?" he asked.

She thought about it and tried to order her thoughts.

"You were talking to me near the kitchen and I felt a sharp pain in my head. I got really dizzy and then I saw Roman. Wait, maybe it was Shepherd. I guess I was dreaming?"

Weller and Patterson looked at one another. They knew Jane wasn't dreaming but instead she was remembering some of the things Remi had experienced. They'd thought the procedure would skip her back to the time when Remi was someone Jane could barely recall. Based on what she was saying it seemed more like Jane had been made the dominant personality but that Remi was still in the background.

Kurt watched as her eyes fluttered shut. Answers could wait. She'd almost drifted back to sleep when she jerked awake and tried to sit up again. They got her to lay back down but they kept having to go through the same process. It was clear she was disoriented.

"Patterson, does she need to stay on her back?"

"Not necessarily on her back but we don't want her sitting or standing up yet."

Kurt stood and lowered the railing on the side of her hospital bed before trying to squeeze himself into the small remaining space on the mattress. He slid his arm under her shoulders and leaned over to whisper in her ear,

"Come here, baby."

Patterson watched as Weller slowly turned Jane so her head was on his chest and her arm was stretched across his stomach. She grabbed another warm blanket and laid it over them. This time when Jane's eyes fluttered closed they stayed that way. Patterson waited another 20 minutes to make sure Jane was peacefully asleep.

"She looks comfortable now. You should try and get some sleep too, Weller. It would be great if she sleeps until morning but, if not, we can talk about sitting her up in 90 minutes or so."

Kurt nodded to her. He was content to just lay there and hold Jane. There were times before the whole Remi reappearance when Jane had struggled with sleeping. She would jerk awake just as she had been doing now. Once their relationship had progressed enough that she'd sleep pressed against him the issue had resolved. He'd figured the same thing would work in this instance and he was glad he was right. Eventually he drifted off as well while Patterson watched over them both. Rich eventually joined her and his expression was one of his more serious ones as he looked at the couple squeezed in the too small bed.

"How is she?"

"I'm not sure. She seems like Jane but she was having memories of things Remi had experienced recently. It was confusing her because she couldn't put the information together linearly."

"But her vitals are stable?"

"Yes, no issues there. It did take her longer than expected to wake up though and when she did she only stayed awake for a few minutes before she started falling back asleep. The main problem was she kept jerking awake, and trying to get out of bed, so Kurt climbed in with her to see if she would settle. She did."

"Why don't you get some sleep? I'll wake you if anything changes."

Patterson wasn't sure if leaving them alone with Rich was a great idea and apparently it showed.

"Stop thinking I'm going to do something to them, Patterson. I'm going to sit right here and work on some coding while they rest. You know Jane has a special place in my heart. I wouldn't risk doing anything that could harm her."

Patterson decided he was sincere. His relationship with Jane was a complicated one. She had no doubt he would jump in bed with her if Jane ever expressed any interest. But since she never had, he seemed content to be her friend. Or maybe her annoying younger brother would be a better description. Patterson wasn't sure how Jane actually felt about Rich beyond often being exasperated by him. She decided to leave them in Rich's care and hoped she didn't regret it.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Thank you for all the lovely reviews and private messages about this story. I'm glad you are enjoying it. Just like you, I look forward to seeing the next episode and will be interested to see where the show takes us.

Hours passed peacefully and when Kurt woke up Jane was in the same place she was when he fell asleep but he could tell she was awake. She had pulled his shirt out of his pants and had slid her hand under it so she was stroking his bare skin. He leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess. Maybe a little confused. I've got a headache so maybe when it goes away I'll feel a little better."

Patterson had arrived back to the lab about the time Jane had started waking up. Anticipating that she would have some discomfort, she had already requested some pain medication for her which was now being injected in Jane's IV line by the nurse.

"This medication should help your headache, Jane. It'll be okay for you to go home, if you are feeling up to it, but for today you need to take it easy. Either stay in bed, read a book, or maybe watch some TV. Nothing strenuous."

Jane nodded carefully, "Okay, but what happened? Why am I here and not in a hospital?"

Kurt tilted her head up so he could see her.

"Roman left some information behind that the ZIP poisoned him and it appears it's poisoned you as well. You aren't pregnant. All of those symptoms were signs that you were in trouble. Patterson found an experimental treatment to help."

Jane slowly pulled herself up into a sitting position on the bed coming to terms with the fact that she wasn't pregnant. She decided she felt a little disappointed. At the time she hadn't been all that excited about the prospect, so it made no sense to her that she felt the way she did now. She shook it off and looked over at Kurt and then looked again closer.

"You changed your hair."

"It's a little different."

"Wait a minute. How long have I been here?"

"Just a day."

"That's not possible. Your hair is longer."

She watched as Kurt and Patterson exchanged a look that made her blood pressure rise. Her heart rate monitor picked up on her anxiety and sounded an alert. Kurt sat up next to her and folded her hand in his.

"It's been a few months since what you are last remembering."

"Memory loss?" she questioned with a shaky voice.

"No, not really. It was the opposite. All of your old memories came back while your new ones were suppressed. For all intents and purposes you were Remi again."

Well, she didn't see that one coming. Remi was a first class bitch who cared for nothing other than the mission Shepherd had sent her on. Wait a minute. A few months? What had she done to the team during that time? She could have killed people. She could have done a lot of things. Kurt could practically see the wheels turning in her head. The panic that was building.

"I'm fine, Jane. We're all fine."

"She didn't try to hurt you?"

"She wanted to but she couldn't bring herself to do it. You are a good sized portion of her. Maybe a bigger part than we thought."

Jane doubted it. She had seen plenty of memories starring Remi and Roman. Plenty of flashes of her interacting with other people in Sandstorm. She was fairly certain there was very little of her in Remi. She could only hope there was very little of Remi in her. She pushed those thoughts away and focused on the conversation that was going on between Patterson and Kurt regarding getting her home.

Once her IV had been removed, she got out of bed and walked over to her clothes and took them with her to the bathroom to change. She felt more like herself after she was out of the hospital gown. She walked out to find Kurt waiting for her. She could tell a conversation had been held in her absence but she didn't care enough to ask what had been said. She just wanted to go home.

The trip back to their apartment was quiet with only the radio playing in the background. She was too busy sorting through their situation in her head to hold a conversation. When they stepped into the apartment she stopped so suddenly Kurt ran into the back of her.

"What happened?!" she questioned.

Kurt kicked himself for not remembering the state of their apartment.

"Someone broke in. I didn't get a chance to clean it up yet. Don't worry about it. Just make sure you don't step on any of the broken glass."

He walked to the kitchen and started batter for the pancakes she loved while she carefully walked over and sank down in the corner of their couch. She wrapped herself in a throw while she looked at the destruction around her. Normally she would want more details about what had happened but this time she didn't push. She got the impression she wouldn't be happy with anything he would tell her.

It wasn't long before their breakfast was ready. Kurt set up a tray table with their drinks and gave her a plate and fork. He sat down next to her so she was pressed into his side. She did manage to eat some of the portion on her plate but she was more tired than hungry. Once his hands were empty of his own plate, he grabbed a throw pillow and put it on his lap encouraging her to lie down while they watched TV. She floated as he gently brushed his fingers through her hair. It was nice.


End file.
